New Uses for Newborns

I'm taking a page out of the Talk Show Handbook and I'm starting a "bit." I think the theory behind bits is that you have something you want to talk about or comment on, but it isn't long enough or important enough to do a "piece." So you do a bit of the piece on day and then people tune in the next day or week to see the next bit (Like David Letterman's top ten list or mail bag or know you cuts of meat). But the television people don't respect you enough to tell you that they are only trying to manipulate you into watching the next show. I, on the other hand, have only absolute respect and admiration for my reader (someday I hope to be able to write "readers"). Because of that, I am telling you up front that I lack the motivation and material to develop a whole piece at this time.

With all that said, introducing: New Uses for Newborns.

1. Dish towel: For decades now diaper manufacturers have devoted billions of dollars (I made that figure up) to the development of evermore absorbent diapers. I say, "Why let all that technology go to waste" (pun intended). I have recently discovered that baby bottoms clothed in diapers make an excellent dish towel when one is not readily available. Spill your soda? No problem. Just set your scantilly clad child on top the spill and your wife is ne'er the wiser (just make sure she doesn't see you do it). I mean, when you're spending 25 cents on a crap collector you might as well get as many uses out of it as possible. So, the next time you've had one-too-many Diet Coke's and you spill you soda, don't get up off the couch and go all the way to the kitchen for a dish towel; just grab the little guy and make him start earning his keep.